I have had my first day back at work, not easy after a two week break. When I finally finished the day and arrived home, I poured a small glass of cool white wine to temper being cooked in my office (I am based directly under a copper roof without aircon, the fans turning the space into an efficient convection oven. I should bring in a lamb joint as it would be slow roasted to perfection by the end of a working day).

The large gulp of wine went down fast, like a shot of tequila, I could not help myself. It was instantly forgettable and indeed the wine's provenance did not seem to matter, it just hit the spot deep inside my belly. Immediately I felt cooler, and being a bit of a lightweight I noticed the alcohol taking the edge off the day. Sometimes a good brutal small unadulterated quaff is liberating. No consideration for its looks or the aromas and the subtle nuances. No chance for it to play around the mouth, to impart its character. No swishing and bubbling, no pause for thought. Just a base need for a wine quench.

In case you are thinking this is showing severe alcoholic tendencies, well you may be right, except this replaced my usual cup of tea (which happily meant putting aside the rather odd, unappetising looking rock cakes I made the other day as they are far from perfect wine partners).

This all raises the interesting issue of drinking wine and 'sampling' wine. Socially, when eating a meal with wine, I just drink it, as over the evening the more subtle aspects gradually permeate through my system. My subconscious has time to really study the wine as it slowly saturates my senses, and so I normally have a good rapport with it later on. I think if you read too many tasting tips and execute these regularly over the evening you look like a real buffoon, and it is frankly hard work. Your glass appears to attract more attention than the person sitting next to you, who incidentally probably thinks you are a wine bore, whilst putting up with you slurping like a coffee machine.

After all don't forget that wine is a drink, not an exercise.

Sampling wine at tastings is of course the best place to implement all of your odd wine tasting practices, as there is no chance to really dive into a bottle over an evening. Too many wines, not enough time. A sort of speed dating experience. Just eyeball, sniff, gurgle and spit it out, moving on to the next one.

On the extreme drinking level, liberal lapping of distinctly average wine is reported to be going on in much greater volume of an evening at weekends in town centres all over the country. There are recent news stories highlighting the larger measures of wine served causing all sorts of issues. I wrote a while ago about how hard it is to get a normal small measure of wine when in a bar or pub these days.

Wine on this level is just a flavoured alcohol delivery system, nothing more. Please bring back the 125ml measure, I am fed up with the super size culture we are developing.

In general I do not just pull out better bottles for special occasions. I vary my every day wine choices from very expensive to dirt cheap. I will sometimes drink a quality Burgundy say with lazy beans on toast, and the next time maybe a £3.99 big brand oil slick of a Merlot. Sometimes the best way to enjoy a good wine is to selfishly drink it with your average mid-week evening meal. No distractions.

When you do take your best wine on an outing, there is nothing worse than bringing a well thought out bottle to a dinner party only for it to be squirreled away and not drunk there and then (unless it is a present to keep like a Bordeaux that needs aging). I think that etiquette mostly demands the host to serve a guest's wine on the evening.

So, what happens if a guest has obviously grabbed the cheapest bottle of plonk (to match the petrol station flowers) out of thoughtless convenience?

This is where it gets a little tricky. You can't really not accept the bottle as that looks like wine pomposity in the extreme. You also do not want to drink it with the lovingly prepared meal you have been slaving over all day. You could say that you have a special wine chosen to match the meal, open that and leave your guests plonk obviously to hand. Just show intent to serve.

What to do with this bottle if left unopened?

I suppose the only use for a terrible 'vinegar like' wine that I can think of, is treating a jellyfish sting. The chances of a storm picking up a jelly fish from the ocean, transporting it many miles and dumping it on my head seems remote, but you can never be too careful in our nanny state. Anyway my health insurance may well mean I am probably fully insured for this unlikely eventuality (and not anything else) as I never read the small print and did not take the tick out of a box somewhere. Maybe the government is already working on pointless expensive glossy leaflets on the subject of killer jellyfish emergency precautions. Nice to be one bottle of plonk ahead of the game.

Another technique is to return the favour and hence the bottle when (if) your guests invite you round for dinner. Perhaps a bit inflammatory for me. Nevertheless, I have actually done that by a mistake in the past, over generous guests bringing far too much wine to drink, and hence being left a bottle or two unopened, only to be returned to them at a later date.

This speaks volumes of my poorly stocked wine collection, and my short term memory.

Have your say

Name:
Email:
Website:
Message: