Glutinous Chops

I have never liked the idea of gym membership. Encased in a hot airless room, fighting for the latest sweat basted instrument of torture designed to develop obscene dormant muscles. The pained outline of a strangers buttocks have barely released their PVC imprint when some other poor drone slides on. Gyms seem to be mostly financed by a growing number of 'no show' people who need to purge their excesses mentally, using the membership as another weapon in their social not physical armory.

I need to keep fit in the winter and for some reason Wing Chun Kung Fu seemed to be an appealing option.

The build up to the first lesson produced much apprehension, visions of Enter The Dragon and Karate Kid, laced with Crouching Tiger. But I consoled myself with the fact that it is a defensive Chinese martial art invented by a woman, hopefully meaning my nose would not be dispatched on first visit, just plenty of sharpened nails.

I am now five lessons in and loving it. I feel a sense of purpose learning a new skill rather than mindlessly pumping iron.

One of the moves is called 'Sticky Hands', whereby you literally stick to your opponent. This got me thinking about the glutinous (a.k.a. sticky) rice the Chinese use for brewing rice wine. I might suggest to my sifu (master) that rice wine would be a very civilised note with which to end a session. It is used as part of a healing treatment for martial art bruising in China and is even responsible for a style of its own. Legend has it that a Buddhist Monk with a penchant for rice wine got very drunk, and while being expelled for this act he defeated 30 monks. He later perfected his drunken style kung fu fighting that remains today.

I am off to wax my car after a few pints at my local...